Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This Week in Grand Theft Auto: Dallas

No, my car wasn't stolen. It was crushed...or maybe sold. I have no idea, nor do I care. I hold little nostalgic memories of sitting in a gliding shell of death dealing metal. Although the only thing I ever killed with my car was a pretty white bird that cruised right into my car as I had no more room on 183 between me and the concrete barrier in order to avoid it. I felt bad. But, that was also because I was up at 6 am driving to DFW in order to board a plane and fly to some shit hole to offer consulting tips on how to drastically improve said shit hole...advice that would go completely unheeded usually in order to maintain status quo road building projects and urban destruction, nay urban can be interpreted about civiliation/culture destruction.

But, the story of the day is actually from my morning dog walk in and around downtown Dallas. In the video game Grand Theft Auto, those familiar will recall the sheer amount of innocent bystanders to by flattened by a knock-off car in a getaway whilst evading the police on some sort of caper. When walking by those individuals, beyond just the amount of different people populating the city, one is impressed by the amount of personality (or just context-less sound bites) and the doppler effect you hear as you, the gamer, walks by.

Well, this morning I walked my dogs past a woman who was leaning on a railing along one of the ubiquitous surface parking lots in downtown Dallas. And, I kid you not, she says to nobody but herself, "I am the most hated person to ever walk the earth."

Really? Did she order the extermination of the jews? Did she buy the Orioles and immediately begin to dismantle the perennial world series contender for wash-ups and known 'roid heads? Did she suggest highways on top of buildings and towers in the park? or any person on this list?

...and I didn't even stop to get an autograph. I was too scared she might sink fangs into my neck or kick my puppy.